There’s something about getting in and out of a vehicle that causes memory lapses. I often have an idea, or thought, or task I need to remember to do when I get to work. By the time I get into my car to drive to work I will have forgotten it. Likewise, I frequently have awesome ideas while drive to work (or somewhere), but as soon as I step out of the vehicle the thought is gone.
So I had a great idea for a blog post today, but forgot it on my way back to work after lunch.
Since I’m already half-way through the week I thought I’d stick with the Party Monster theme.
So as I said, I’ve applied for a new position at work. I had my interview yesterday. I feel it went well, but from what I understand of the interviewer, that means absolutely nothing. She has no problem making you feel all warm and fuzzy, while knowing full well that she has no intentions of hiring you. She’s done this to at least two other people I work with so far. (Yes, there’s been quite a bit of turnover in her department lately – none of it her fault – it’s a long story). One might think that knowing some of what I know of her, I might not want to work with her. My current situation is worse – there’s no need to go there. I honestly think the current issues in her department stem from the dramatic change in management styles as a result of the last few months of tumultuous turnovers. The previous supervisor was every employees dream. She didn’t take anyone’s shit, but at the same time she was someone you could easily talk to and she would have your back, or let you know why otherwise. Anyway, the new manager is far more structured, and the whole department is having trouble adjusting.
Today I’ve been in several meetings with my current boss who made it very clear to me today, that while she won’t do anything to prevent me from taking advantage of an opportunity, she’s not fond of the idea of me leaving. I can understand that. But there’s not a whole lot she can really do to keep me. She can offer me new and exciting projects. But she can’t promote me (nowhere to promote me to), and with the current budget/raise/hiring freeze, she can’t offer me a raise either. This new position would consist of both a raise and a promotion. However, I must admit the new project that was proposed today, could be exciting and interesting – something new to keep me busy. We had lunch today with one of the consultants while discussing how best to sell the idea to the upper echelon, and the consultant and I got hung up on one phrase. We were trying to emphasize the importance of knowledge retention and training in relation to the issues of an aging workforce. There’s a very specific phrase that describes it perfectly. I just could not bring it to mind. Neither could the consultant. We spent half of lunch coming back to this one phrase. Two words. Finally we both got out our blackberries to try and find out what it was. I finally found it on a blog about planning for an aging workforce.
Succession Planning. It’s a great phrase, and big wigs love it. They know it’s an issue because the bigwigs are the aging workforce and they’ve got to find someone to take their place if they want to retire soon.
Today made me miss being a consultant. I loved the constant change. I’m not the type that likes to do the same job day in and day out. I actually like sleeping in hotels, and I love sharing my specific knowledge on a topic, now that I have the experience and knowledge to share. When I was a consultant I was an entry level peon who just put all the knowledge together. Now I actually have something to contribute. Today has been a good day. I’ve been complimented on my current work, been told by my boss she doesn’t want to lose me, and contributed greatly to the brainstorming of a new big project.
Today it’s been good to be me – and that’s better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!
Another quote from Party Monster today. I may have to watch the movie again soon. Getting involved in the Burlesque community has really allowed the closeted exhibitionist in me to peak out just a bit. I love the glamour of the girls who actually perform, and I like getting a little taste of it myself. I’m quite certain my obsession with Drag Queens/Boys in Dresses/Cross-dressers is directly related to my enjoyment of all things glamorous (except that song by Fergie). But I like being able to turn it on and off. I couldn’t handle being glamorous all the time – it’s exhausting. I like to just be able to go out in jeans and a tshirt now and then. I love that I can just wear jeans and a t-shirt to work now and then. Sometimes I wish I could glam up at work…I guess maybe I could for Halloween. I wonder if I could go as rosie the riveter with fake eyelashes? Too much? Possibly, but not a bad idea.
I have a job interview today, for a position in a different department here at work. Same location, different building, different kind of work. I want the job. I don’t think I’m going to get the job. Maybe someday when I’m in charge of hiring I’ll gain an understanding of why folks will hire someone who they know nothing about other that what it says on their resume. I will come in to this interview with experience on every application used, experience working well with everyone in the department, and experience doing most of what is required of the job, while an employee here. I just won’t have had that specific job title anywhere else I’ve been. They’ll probably hire someone who has held the title, who has never used any of the applications we use here, and who has never actually worked with anyone here, or in the industry. And that person will leave as soon as something else comes up. I’m applying so that I can extend my career here. It’s very frustrating because I’ve seen them do it before. They talk about how often people move around with in a company, but I’ve seen very few examples of it actually happening.
I would love working in the new department, I get along well with everyone, and it would be nice to work under a different management style. And it’s a position that has the potential for growth. There’s no growth for me here. I’ve been here just over 2 years, I’m not stagnating yet, but I don’t want get to that point either. I hate getting my hopes up. I’m going to sit here and sulk, now, and remind myself why I won’t be getting the job, before I go home for lunch and get dressed for the interview.
As James St. James says in Party Monster, “it’s a shame you can’t publish a sentence.” Sometimes I come up with some great sentences – but too often I’ve got nothing else to go with that sentence. Just a casual statement of observation. I used to baffle at his ignorance. Why would one even want to publish a sentence!? Well, if you really want to get published but you can’t seem to pull enough together to even write a short essay, you find joy in the pieces. Maybe if I write enough pieces, I can find a way to connect them all together. I bought a small pocket journal the other day, in preparation for inspiration. So far I have 16 words. But I’m hopeful. All too often I forget ideas, but now that I have a pocket journal, I can write down every idea I have. Don’t laugh at my optimism. Sometimes it’s all I’ve got. It’s better to hope for something all your life and never attain it, than to never hope at all. I’ll just keep telling myself that. Hope and strive, and see where I land.
Speaking of James St. James…I’ve been watching a lot of LOGO TV lately. I seem to have always had a curiosity/interest about boys in dresses, cross-dressers, and drag queens. The fact that my first crush was Boy George is quite telling. I seem to have convinced myself that it is my duty to try and keep as many of my recorded LOGO shows off the DVR, that way when Phlome wonders why I’m wasting time watching TV, I can tell him that I’m doing it for him. If I didn’t sit there and catch up on my shows, he’d have to put up with all the Gay on his DVR. I’m helping him – it’s hard work…promise.
We’ve got a bit storm rolling in tonight and it’s time for me to go home now. I can’t wait. I love a good thunderstorm – especially if I can stay in and enjoy it, which I plan to. And I’ll work hard at getting some gay off the DVR
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